I have decided! J’ai décidé!

Version française en bas !

I came to realize recently that I am not spontaneous enough. I took a lot of decisions that I did not apply. I told myself that I would like to do this or that and the next day I forget about it or keep pushing it until I finally don’t achieve it. I'm not talking about extreme things like jumping out of an airplane in flight (which I had planned to do before backing up) but I'm referring to things much simpler such as talking to a stranger in the streets or in the elevator, taking a class out of school to learn something new, trying a new physical activity… 

I have a friend who is an extrovert and an expert in public speaking. Every time we take a Lyft together, she is always first to engage the conversation. We went together at the ATM and by the time I was done with my transaction she was already friend with a security agent standing near us. By hanging out with her, I have learned and I am still learning to talk to strangers. The easiest one being Lyft driver, I always start the conversation with the same question: Are you from San Francisco? Therefore, I learned that some of them were from El Salvador, Egypt, Oakland, Tibet, India and many other places ... Where am I going with this story? Well I have decided to stop procrastinating these little pleasures I can have in new experiences. 

I decided it was time to have a chat of at least 2 min with strangers and that they would probably not bite me. I wanted to improve my spanish so I look for an institution that provides spanish classes. I decided to write an article every day, regardless of whether or not I post it on my blog. I decided that I would read at least a book every week and try to summarize it. I have noted somewhere that I will learn how to code. I don’t know when yet, but I will in chaa Allah (procrastinating again). I have decided to post a photo of things I see or live every day. And finally I have noted that I will enjoy a physical activity during a minimum of 10 minutes each day (dancing, running, walking ...). 

Ok, I admit that I have only noted some of these challenges and not started yet but this time, I will do my best to fulfill the promises I made to myself. I will learn to set goals and reach them or die trying to. I just wrote the first article of a series of multiple ones and for me it’s already a great way of starting! And you, what challenges are you going to set for yourself? What are you planning to do to get out of your comfort zone and experience new pleasures?

Yes I can fly!

J'ai decidé!

Je me suis rendue compte que je ne suis pas assez spontanée. Je prends beaucoup de décisions que je n’applique pas. Je me dis oh tiens ! Je ferais bien ci ou ca et le jour suivant je ne le fais pas, le remettant toujours à plus tard pour ne finalement rien accomplir. Je ne parle pas de choses extrêmes comme sauter d’un avion en plein vol (ce que j’avais prévu faire avant de me dire qu’il ne fallait pas être folle non plus) mais je fais référence à des choses beaucoup plus simples comme aborder des inconnus dans la rue ou dans l’ascenseur...

J’ai une amie qui a vraiment la langue facile (façon de parler) pour échanger avec des étrangers. Chaque fois qu’on emprunte un Lyft ensemble, elle est toujours la première à engager la conversation. On va ensemble au guichet automatique et le temps que je finisse ma transaction, elle a fait ami-ami avec l’agent de sécurité posté juste à côté. À force de la côtoyer je crois qu’elle a déteint un tout petit mais vraiment tout petit peu sur moi. Au point où j’arrive à présent à converser avec les chauffeurs de Lyft en lançant toujours la même phrase : Are you from San Francisco ? Et ainsi j’ai pu savoir que certains d’entre eux venaient d’El Salvador, d’Égypte, d’Oakland, du Tibet, de l’Inde et bien d’autres endroits… Ou est-ce que je veux en venir ? Et bien j’ai décidé de ne plus remettre certaines choses à demain...

J’ai décidé qu’il était temps d’avoir une conversation d’au moins 2 min avec des inconnus et qu’ils n’allaient surement pas me mordre. J’avais envie d’améliorer mon espagnol alors j’ai noté quelque part que je vais m’inscrire à des classes d’espagnol. J’ai décidé que j’écrirai un article par jour, peu importe que je le poste ou non. J’ai décidé que je lirai un livre par semaine et que j’en ferai le compte rendu. J’ai noté que j’apprendrai à coder. J’ai noté que j’apprendrai l’arabe. J’ai décidé de poster une photo sur Instagram et autres chaque jour. Et j’ai noté que j’exercerai une activité physique d’au moins 10 minutes chaque jour (danse, course, marche…). 

Ok, j’avoue que j'ai juste noté certains objectifs et que les entamer est une autre paire de manche mais cette fois, promis je m’y mets. Je vais apprendre à me fixer des challenges et à les accomplir. Je viens de finir mon premier article et c’est déjà un excellent début selon moi. Et vous, que voulez-vous faire de nouveau ? Quels challenges allez-vous vous fixer pour sortir de votre zone de confort et expérimenter de nouveaux plaisirs ? 

The Dream Share Project

I have been so lazy lately that I didn’t take the time to share these beautiful things I have seen, listened and learned. Before taking you into my journey at Tedx Youth, I would like to embark you on a trip with the Dream Share Project.

 “The Dream Share Project is an inspirational documentary that follows Chip Hiden and Alexis Irvin, two recent college graduates, on a road trip across America, as they explore how successful people have chased their dreams.” This is what you can read on the website of the project and I want to add that this is a trip to be inspired and inspire others.

Chip and Alexis spent weeks on the road because they found out that their jobs didn’t make them happy. Although their parents did not understand their decision, these two young people got into a car and travelled across America to interview people that took the risk to be happy. I have learned a lot during that evening and as usual I will share everything I found interesting with you.

An important thing to remember is that everybody needs a dream. Think about it, “If you don’t have a dream, you have no hope. Dream makes the difference between one that exists and one that lives. You need a dream.” But you don’t need any dream. You need something that is yours, which will make you happy. So don’t let anyone decide your dreams.

Sometimes we want to follow a path that is not in accordance with what our relatives especially parents want for us. And there is this little sentence that you may hear “You need to grow up.” I believe this is mostly what artists hear. For incomprehensible reasons, people think you can dream of being an artist when you are younger but growing up, you need to have “realistic” projects. Let me tell you then that “growing up doesn’t mean leaving your dreams.” On the contrary, you need to live them.

Support may not come from your relatives but it can come from anyone so don’t be afraid to share your dreams. If you don’t talk about your aspirations, you will never know that the person right next to you is also dreaming of building a better world. And for those who do not understand you, maybe they just need some proofs. So before presenting your ideas, try to answer any question they may bring up to the table.

We fear to pursue our dreams because we think they are unrealistic and we favor security. 

However we can’t conquer fear by sitting at home and thinking about it. If you are not feeling anxious it is almost certain that you are not doing something you are passionate about. Fear is normal but the only way to overcome it is by acting. We should overcome the syndrome of assessment which is the paralysis of overthinking, too much analyzing instead of making the right move. The biggest risk is not doing anything. According to the Dream Share Project subjects, the recipe of success is risk taking + passion + hard work.

If you value security more than adventure, you will say that you don’t have enough money to pursue your dreams.  According to these two adventurers, who have slept in tents and ate precooked food for many weeks, there are only two ways for funding our dreams. Lower your expenses or increase your income.  We need to prioritize between the needs and the wants.

People spend more time thinking about their majors, careers instead of defining their values. 

Do whatever it takes to find your passion. If you have a dream, follow it now. Do it as quickly as possible. “The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers but most of all, the world needs dreamers who do”. Make yourself happy. Life happens and if you don’t take the opportunity to pursue your dreams now, life will happen to you.

The presentation was followed by a workshop during which we were encouraged to speak about our dreams and what prevent us from actually pursuing them. So I want to ask you, what would you like to achieve before dying? And why don’t you pursue it? 

Let's say something nice !

I have a friend – It seems like you will hear a lot about my friends on this blog. – So as I said I have a friend that I admire because no matter the kind of troubles he may be going through he will always lend an attentive ear to those in needs. This is the kind of friend we all want in our lives but we, ourselves, are we this kind of friend?

I am taking an online course of interpersonal communication. I was going through the second topic of the class and I learned more about the notion of self-concept. Basically, self-concept is defined as a relatively stable set of perceptions that, as individuals we hold about ourselves. The subject is really broad but what I want to talk about today is the influence we have on others’ self-concept. We have high expectations from people while we forget that others also wish we support them. Words are powerful but more than anything they are irretrievable. What we say to people may hurt them in the same way that theirs can hurt us.

You know these little jokes we make with our friends, brothers, sisters and other relatives? Although it seems like we tease each other in a friendly way, our remarks can actually create a lot of damages.  We need to know that self-concept is shaped by the comments and judgments of those around us, especially when we are young. We pick up signals from people in terms of our self-worth. They can make you feel loved, valued, and capable. Or, they can send messages that imply that you are of little or no value, inadequate and rejected. Our self-concept is a product of messages we receive throughout our life.

So while reading this chapter, I was thinking about the times someone’s words broke me down. I may have not expressed it, showed that I was hurt but it always leaves something. Of course it was then my choice to decide whether or not these words define me or to prove them wrong. The way we will handle people’s remarks will determine what we will think about ourselves because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what we believe.

Anyway, during my reading, I was prompt to blame others for what they told me. However, I suddenly realized that some people also probably think about what I have told them once or many times. I tried to think of what I could have say to someone that could have hurt him or her. It is difficult to evaluate the impact of other’s on our lives. But in the same way, we would like people to be supportive, they also want us to help them shaping healthy self-concept.

If you haven’t heard yet about Ms. Lopez of Mott Hall Bridges Academy, I invite you to learn more about her role in her scholars’ lives. We should all aspire to be a person that inspires. A person that shows to others that they are valuable. Ms. Lopez is that kind of person and by extension I invite you to discover the Facebook page Human of New York if you haven't yet.

Anyone can make a change in someone’s life. It ranges from the friend, the older brother, the parent to the teacher… As  Confucius said, “What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” I am definitely not an example but I will try to apply the “If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” I share with you my favorite song of the moment and I wish that I will be the kind of friend whispering “Don’t give up, you are smart, you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are great.”

Get out of your own way !

When it comes to school, I have always been among the top students. However, when it comes to public speaking or engaging a conversation with strangers, I am not that enthusiastic. I love talking but only with the people I am familiar with. And this has never been an issue until I came to the United States of America where networking is one of the success’s keys. I can’t write about the importance of taking risk and trying something new while I am myself confined in my comfort zone. I created this blog to see new horizons and share it with others. Therefore today I would like to share what I am using now to overcome some of the barriers we create for ourselves.

My accent had always been a limitation for me because I thought “what if people laugh at me?” What if they don’t understand what I am saying and they end up ignoring me? This is exactly what happens when we are facing new challenges. We care so much about the way others are going to react that we start creating our own barriers. We do not allow ourselves to get out of our comfort zone because we fear what’s on the other side of the wall. When I took the personal decision of not letting my accent be an obstacle to my blossoming, I started to open myself to new experiences. Here are two important things that I think about when I see reluctance coming on my way.

1-     You only live once

This one has to be taken with precautions. The fact that we have only one life should not allow us to do crazy things that we may end up regretting. I am only saying that when you really want to do something, then why stopping yourself from acting? It’s not like you will have a chance to do it again in another life. Your life is in your hands and you have to use it efficiently to get the best of it. Stop thinking about the possibility of failing and maximize your positive thoughts. Muhammad Ali once said that “The only limitations one has are the ones they place on themselves.” So why don’t we free ourselves from these limitations and enjoy (reasonably) our one and only life?  

2-     What is the worst thing that can happen if you try?

I really appreciated my class of philosophy 1010 at the International University of Grand Bassam. The professor was not lecturing us about boring theories of life. He was rather engaging us in conversations that could captivate our attention. Dr King said for example that in order to get over a heartbreak we should ask ourselves what is the worst thing that can happen to us if the boyfriend or the girlfriend does not come back. Are we going to die for that? By trying to answer this question, we should normally understand that we can overcome the pain. This, is the reasoning I use to try new things. - And for me new things include the smallest stuff like greeting a stranger in the elevator… –

I also remember one of my friend I appreciate because she will rarely tell me what I want to hear but what I need to. One day before a class presentation, I told her on Facebook how stressed I was about doing it. She asked me “Are they going to eat you?” Of course the answer was no so she asked me “so what?” It was so simple to demolish all these bad thoughts I had because I instantly realized that I did not have to be scared of my classmates’ reactions. The stress, the fear is normal as long as it does not paralyze us and therefore prevent us from doing what we need to do.  I am using this example to actually show you that no matter what we want to achieve we will never know the ending unless we try. What is the worst thing that can happen then? Every experience is valuable because we may reach our objective or get a lesson to improve our skills.

  

On the contrary of what I thought, no one ever mocked me because of my accent. They just ask me to repeat when they don’t understand what I am saying and that’s just what I do. If you end up not doing something because you worried about failure then you have already failed by resignation. “The world is full of people who are really smart but they hold themselves back.” You only live once so get out of your own way and allow yourself to live your dreams. Please enjoy this illustration of optimism by Jason Njoku the founder of IrokoTv.

Lessons from Aleph

As I recently said to one of my friend, depending on the moment of your life you are reading a book, you can be led to different appreciations. In facts, what you have experienced and/or are currently experiencing can affect the way you read, like and understand a book. This is what I discovered when I read for the second time Aleph by Paulo Coelho. The first time I read this novel, I was quickly annoyed by the story and could not end it. Although I would not classify it as one of my favorite books, after reading it twice, I have learned great lessons that I would like to share with you.

1-     We are what we wish to be

For me, the best illustration for this context is the example of the relationship between children and parents. Some kids are willing to foregone or even abandon their dreams to choose the career their parents want them to pursue.  As a result, a lot of people end up doing a job they hate and make them feel sad. Finally they will always complain about the choice their parents “forced” them to make. Paulo Coelho said “we are not the person other people wish we were. We are who we decide to be. It’s always easy to blame others. You can spend your entire life blaming the world but your successes or failures are entirely your own responsibility“.

2-     Take risk and do what you desire

People are always going to carp whatever you do. Even the greatest messengers, Muhammad, Jesus, and Moises (Peace be upon them) did not make unanimity so it’s clear that you won’t please to everyone. You are a human and it’s obvious that you may fail in your experiences but you need to learn this advice of Coelho. “Don’t be intimidated by other people’s opinions. Only mediocrity is sure of itself, so take risks and do what you really want to do. Seek out people who aren’t afraid of making mistakes and who, therefore, do make mistakes. Because of that, their work often isn’t recognized, but they are precisely the kind of people who change the world and, after many mistakes do something that will transform their own community completely.”

3-     Visit your soul instead of visiting your past

For many people it is difficult to go beyond the errors of the past. We tend to be stuck in what we should or could have done to change our present. We need to know that we can’t go in the past to change what happened. This is actually what I always say when a friend of mine is moping because of bad grades. The most important is what you can do now to improve your situation. The writer said “it takes a huge effort to free yourself from memory, but when you succeed, you start to realize that you’re capable of far more than you imagined. Visit your soul, don’t visit your past.”

4-     To live is to experience things

In Aleph which by the way is defined by the point where everything, the whole universe in contained, the narrator has spent years learning his environment, theories about life, spirituality. At a specific point of his life, he felt like he was engaged in a routine and started having doubt about the path he was following. His master J. convinced him to experience something new. Aleph is therefore a trip for Paulo Coelho to discover himself. This journey led him to travel with the Trans-Siberian from the first station to the end of the railway. Like the first time I read it, many people will find this book annoying or difficult to understand especially in the beginning. But if there is only one thing that must be grabbed from this reading, it is that “to live is to experience things, not sit around pondering the meaning of life.”

French Version

Start shining now !

In 4 days we will start 2015. For a lot of people, it’s time to make resolutions (rarely to take actions) and to think about everything that went wrong this year. Only few people will be thankful for all the good things that have happened to them during this year (but this is not the purpose of this article). Some will make a list of everything they want to achieve during the New Year. I understand that sometimes we need a chronological reference. We need a specific point in time that helps us to measure or better evaluate our progress. However do we really need a special day to start becoming the star we were born to be?

I would like to achieve this and that from January 1^st. Who even told you that you will make up to this New Year? The message is about making a change today. It is not just addressed to you but also to myself. Generally when I want to leave a bad habit, I wait for Monday, or the first day of a month. I don’t know where this comes from but I would really like to change it. I am probably not the only one doing this and maybe on the other side of the screen some people also need motivations. What if I start now? What is the worst thing that can happen if I start shining today?

The right day, the best moment is only an excuse like another one that we use to postpone our light. Sometimes we are so afraid of taking the first step that will lead us to success that we create a bunch of reasons why we should wait. Instead of thinking about all the good reasons why we should work toward success, we rather stop ourselves with our bad excuses. Tyrese Gibson said in How To Get Out Your Own Way that life is a menu. Whoever and whatever you order for your life is what’s going to be delivered to the table.

Today I think that we should all ask ourselves what we want at our table. What is our goal? I am not talking about the purpose of this year. Although it is important to establish short and long-term goals, the most important is to know what drives us each time we wake up? What is our purpose in life? 

We are responsible for where we are in our lives. We are responsible of finding and achieving our goal. It is not enough to say I will start doing this next year. When we talk about purpose, think about this seven words:

Passion: what you daydream about

Understanding: use a pen and a paper and describe exactly what you want to do

Relationships: who are you willing to speak to, out of your comfort zone?

Persistence: no matter what happen you should continue working toward your dream

Obstacles: you will always have obstacles

Sacrifice: you have to trade what matter the least for what you value the most

Endurance: you will have to sweat in order to arrive to the end of marathon's success

Stop making excuses, find a way and start taking actions to achieve your purpose. Stop waiting for every New Year and START SHINING NOW.

I definitely invite you to watch this ted by Luke Wright.

United States Is Not a Panacea

When I went back in Ivory Coast during winter break, the brother of a friend asked me “Do you think it will be good for anyone to go in U.S in order to get a better life?” He was not talking about someone coming here to study, but actually a person looking for a better job, more money. Ironically, this includes doing some works he or she is not willing to do in his/her home country.

I answered that some poor people in Africa live better than some Americans in United States. Talking about that, I was referring to homeless people. Indeed, it is every day that I see someone living in the street and having a caddy (or just nothing) as all their belongings. We tend to think that these people are junkies, alcoholics…that they deserve what’s happening to them. But the truth is that every story is different and that nobody choose to live in the street. I recently discovered The Homeless GoPro Project. This set of videos aims to create more empathy in the world. The initiators’ goal is to dispel myths and build understanding through firsthand perspective.

For my brothers and sisters in Africa, I also want them to understand something else. United States is the country of dreams, possibilities…I can't deny it but America and Europe do not resolve everything. Living in U.S does not always go along with being rich or happy.  

A lot of people are looking for an Eldorado, not only Africans but everyone thinking that grass is greener on the other side. However, we need to understand that going elsewhere does not guarantee a better life. There is a chance that you succeed in your venture but there is also much more chance that you would have been better off trying to improve your life in your home country.

There are a lot of opportunities (I will soon start to share them) in Ivory Coast for the people eager to do something. Maybe they don’t know how to start or they just haven’t understand yet how great they can be. Today I am in U.S because I had the chance to study abroad. But I can’t tell you how much I want to go back in my country to make a change. I have started to understand that it is not always about the place you live but more about what you want to do and how much you actually want it.