Let's say something nice !

I have a friend – It seems like you will hear a lot about my friends on this blog. – So as I said I have a friend that I admire because no matter the kind of troubles he may be going through he will always lend an attentive ear to those in needs. This is the kind of friend we all want in our lives but we, ourselves, are we this kind of friend?

I am taking an online course of interpersonal communication. I was going through the second topic of the class and I learned more about the notion of self-concept. Basically, self-concept is defined as a relatively stable set of perceptions that, as individuals we hold about ourselves. The subject is really broad but what I want to talk about today is the influence we have on others’ self-concept. We have high expectations from people while we forget that others also wish we support them. Words are powerful but more than anything they are irretrievable. What we say to people may hurt them in the same way that theirs can hurt us.

You know these little jokes we make with our friends, brothers, sisters and other relatives? Although it seems like we tease each other in a friendly way, our remarks can actually create a lot of damages.  We need to know that self-concept is shaped by the comments and judgments of those around us, especially when we are young. We pick up signals from people in terms of our self-worth. They can make you feel loved, valued, and capable. Or, they can send messages that imply that you are of little or no value, inadequate and rejected. Our self-concept is a product of messages we receive throughout our life.

So while reading this chapter, I was thinking about the times someone’s words broke me down. I may have not expressed it, showed that I was hurt but it always leaves something. Of course it was then my choice to decide whether or not these words define me or to prove them wrong. The way we will handle people’s remarks will determine what we will think about ourselves because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what we believe.

Anyway, during my reading, I was prompt to blame others for what they told me. However, I suddenly realized that some people also probably think about what I have told them once or many times. I tried to think of what I could have say to someone that could have hurt him or her. It is difficult to evaluate the impact of other’s on our lives. But in the same way, we would like people to be supportive, they also want us to help them shaping healthy self-concept.

If you haven’t heard yet about Ms. Lopez of Mott Hall Bridges Academy, I invite you to learn more about her role in her scholars’ lives. We should all aspire to be a person that inspires. A person that shows to others that they are valuable. Ms. Lopez is that kind of person and by extension I invite you to discover the Facebook page Human of New York if you haven't yet.

Anyone can make a change in someone’s life. It ranges from the friend, the older brother, the parent to the teacher… As  Confucius said, “What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” I am definitely not an example but I will try to apply the “If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” I share with you my favorite song of the moment and I wish that I will be the kind of friend whispering “Don’t give up, you are smart, you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are great.”

Back To High School !

Remember in my lastarticle I talked about my reluctance for public speaking. I also mentioned the means I am using to get out of my comfort zone despite all my fears. Then guess what? I made a huge step (it’s huge for me) in that way. So here is the story. A week ago I received an email from an international advisor saying that the director of the International Student & Scholar Services needed an African girl to speak at her daughter’s High School. I was like “Can I do this?” and then I thought “Why not?” This was a great opportunity to improve my oral communication and presentation skills. After thinking about it for few seconds, I decided to get into the train. 

The first thing I can say after that day is that I love my country. Yes I already knew that but it was like discovering it again. I was supposed to speak to two seventh grade social studies classes about my country. There was also a graduate student from Niger who accepted to be a speaker on the occasion. I did not really know what I could speak about so I decided to take few facts I like about Cote d'Ivoire. The students of Griffin Middle School were enthusiastic and eager to learn more about Africa. I would like to share with you what I actually showed to my young audience. And additionally give you some facts I learned from my co-speaker presentation.

1-     The food is actually what I love and miss the most from Cote d’Ivoire. Alloco and attieke are definitely the best dishes in the world. 

2-     I was shocked when I saw Americans eating peanut butter with bread. We rather use it to cook a sauce and eat with rice. 

3-     Each time you eat chocolate there is at least 34.5% chance that it was made from cocoa produced in Cote d’Ivoire. 

4-     There are more than 60 tribes in Cote d’Ivoire contributing to the cultural diversity. 

5-     Michael Jackson is not only the king of the pop, he is also a prince from Krinjabo Kingdom located in…Ivory Coast of course J

6-     Even if loincloths and bazin fabric are considered as African fabrics, they are actually from other countries like Holland (wax) and Great Britain (bazin). But we still have our own local fabric like you can see on the picture. 

My brother trying to weave and some dresses made from African fabrics

7-     We recently inaugurated the third bridge of Abidjan, the economical capital but we also have a lot of Liana Bridges in the country. They are handmade and only few initiated people know how to make them. 

8-     We have the biggest religious building in the world: La Basilique Notre Dame de la Paix de Yamoussoukro. Yes, even bigger than St Peter’s basilica in Vatican.  

9-     We have a mix of both tradition and modernity but unfortunately, modernity tends to overshadow all these traditions we are supposed to be proud of. 

10- Although they gave us a lot of heartbreak when playing together, our soccer team called “The Elephants” had and has some of the greatest players in the world. 

Here are few things I learned about Niger…Thank you Bachir J 

1-     It is not uncommon to see a man riding a camel in the cities. There was even a  picture where we could see a camel in a Taxi. See it by yourself. 

2-     The Fulani, one tribe of Niger, claims to have the most beautiful girls of the country. I can’t blame them for that because the Fulani women are actually gorgeous. 

3-     There is a ceremony during which the Fulani men try to apply the best make up on their face in order to get the women’s attention. 

4-     It is considered an insult to refuse the tea from a Touareg (another tribe of the country). 

5-     There are so much sand in Niger that they do ski on sand. Yes you read it correctly, SAND SKI!

Although I had a great experience, I was sad to notice that there are so many things about Cote d’Ivoire that I don’t know. The most important thing I need to do is to be able to speak my hometown language before I die in chaa Allah. Then I wish I will discover more of the folklore that the country has to offer. Finally I am so glad I took part in this journey and again, getting out of your comfort zone is always rewarding!!!

Get out of your own way !

When it comes to school, I have always been among the top students. However, when it comes to public speaking or engaging a conversation with strangers, I am not that enthusiastic. I love talking but only with the people I am familiar with. And this has never been an issue until I came to the United States of America where networking is one of the success’s keys. I can’t write about the importance of taking risk and trying something new while I am myself confined in my comfort zone. I created this blog to see new horizons and share it with others. Therefore today I would like to share what I am using now to overcome some of the barriers we create for ourselves.

My accent had always been a limitation for me because I thought “what if people laugh at me?” What if they don’t understand what I am saying and they end up ignoring me? This is exactly what happens when we are facing new challenges. We care so much about the way others are going to react that we start creating our own barriers. We do not allow ourselves to get out of our comfort zone because we fear what’s on the other side of the wall. When I took the personal decision of not letting my accent be an obstacle to my blossoming, I started to open myself to new experiences. Here are two important things that I think about when I see reluctance coming on my way.

1-     You only live once

This one has to be taken with precautions. The fact that we have only one life should not allow us to do crazy things that we may end up regretting. I am only saying that when you really want to do something, then why stopping yourself from acting? It’s not like you will have a chance to do it again in another life. Your life is in your hands and you have to use it efficiently to get the best of it. Stop thinking about the possibility of failing and maximize your positive thoughts. Muhammad Ali once said that “The only limitations one has are the ones they place on themselves.” So why don’t we free ourselves from these limitations and enjoy (reasonably) our one and only life?  

2-     What is the worst thing that can happen if you try?

I really appreciated my class of philosophy 1010 at the International University of Grand Bassam. The professor was not lecturing us about boring theories of life. He was rather engaging us in conversations that could captivate our attention. Dr King said for example that in order to get over a heartbreak we should ask ourselves what is the worst thing that can happen to us if the boyfriend or the girlfriend does not come back. Are we going to die for that? By trying to answer this question, we should normally understand that we can overcome the pain. This, is the reasoning I use to try new things. - And for me new things include the smallest stuff like greeting a stranger in the elevator… –

I also remember one of my friend I appreciate because she will rarely tell me what I want to hear but what I need to. One day before a class presentation, I told her on Facebook how stressed I was about doing it. She asked me “Are they going to eat you?” Of course the answer was no so she asked me “so what?” It was so simple to demolish all these bad thoughts I had because I instantly realized that I did not have to be scared of my classmates’ reactions. The stress, the fear is normal as long as it does not paralyze us and therefore prevent us from doing what we need to do.  I am using this example to actually show you that no matter what we want to achieve we will never know the ending unless we try. What is the worst thing that can happen then? Every experience is valuable because we may reach our objective or get a lesson to improve our skills.

  

On the contrary of what I thought, no one ever mocked me because of my accent. They just ask me to repeat when they don’t understand what I am saying and that’s just what I do. If you end up not doing something because you worried about failure then you have already failed by resignation. “The world is full of people who are really smart but they hold themselves back.” You only live once so get out of your own way and allow yourself to live your dreams. Please enjoy this illustration of optimism by Jason Njoku the founder of IrokoTv.

Lessons from Aleph

As I recently said to one of my friend, depending on the moment of your life you are reading a book, you can be led to different appreciations. In facts, what you have experienced and/or are currently experiencing can affect the way you read, like and understand a book. This is what I discovered when I read for the second time Aleph by Paulo Coelho. The first time I read this novel, I was quickly annoyed by the story and could not end it. Although I would not classify it as one of my favorite books, after reading it twice, I have learned great lessons that I would like to share with you.

1-     We are what we wish to be

For me, the best illustration for this context is the example of the relationship between children and parents. Some kids are willing to foregone or even abandon their dreams to choose the career their parents want them to pursue.  As a result, a lot of people end up doing a job they hate and make them feel sad. Finally they will always complain about the choice their parents “forced” them to make. Paulo Coelho said “we are not the person other people wish we were. We are who we decide to be. It’s always easy to blame others. You can spend your entire life blaming the world but your successes or failures are entirely your own responsibility“.

2-     Take risk and do what you desire

People are always going to carp whatever you do. Even the greatest messengers, Muhammad, Jesus, and Moises (Peace be upon them) did not make unanimity so it’s clear that you won’t please to everyone. You are a human and it’s obvious that you may fail in your experiences but you need to learn this advice of Coelho. “Don’t be intimidated by other people’s opinions. Only mediocrity is sure of itself, so take risks and do what you really want to do. Seek out people who aren’t afraid of making mistakes and who, therefore, do make mistakes. Because of that, their work often isn’t recognized, but they are precisely the kind of people who change the world and, after many mistakes do something that will transform their own community completely.”

3-     Visit your soul instead of visiting your past

For many people it is difficult to go beyond the errors of the past. We tend to be stuck in what we should or could have done to change our present. We need to know that we can’t go in the past to change what happened. This is actually what I always say when a friend of mine is moping because of bad grades. The most important is what you can do now to improve your situation. The writer said “it takes a huge effort to free yourself from memory, but when you succeed, you start to realize that you’re capable of far more than you imagined. Visit your soul, don’t visit your past.”

4-     To live is to experience things

In Aleph which by the way is defined by the point where everything, the whole universe in contained, the narrator has spent years learning his environment, theories about life, spirituality. At a specific point of his life, he felt like he was engaged in a routine and started having doubt about the path he was following. His master J. convinced him to experience something new. Aleph is therefore a trip for Paulo Coelho to discover himself. This journey led him to travel with the Trans-Siberian from the first station to the end of the railway. Like the first time I read it, many people will find this book annoying or difficult to understand especially in the beginning. But if there is only one thing that must be grabbed from this reading, it is that “to live is to experience things, not sit around pondering the meaning of life.”

French Version

Start shining now !

In 4 days we will start 2015. For a lot of people, it’s time to make resolutions (rarely to take actions) and to think about everything that went wrong this year. Only few people will be thankful for all the good things that have happened to them during this year (but this is not the purpose of this article). Some will make a list of everything they want to achieve during the New Year. I understand that sometimes we need a chronological reference. We need a specific point in time that helps us to measure or better evaluate our progress. However do we really need a special day to start becoming the star we were born to be?

I would like to achieve this and that from January 1^st. Who even told you that you will make up to this New Year? The message is about making a change today. It is not just addressed to you but also to myself. Generally when I want to leave a bad habit, I wait for Monday, or the first day of a month. I don’t know where this comes from but I would really like to change it. I am probably not the only one doing this and maybe on the other side of the screen some people also need motivations. What if I start now? What is the worst thing that can happen if I start shining today?

The right day, the best moment is only an excuse like another one that we use to postpone our light. Sometimes we are so afraid of taking the first step that will lead us to success that we create a bunch of reasons why we should wait. Instead of thinking about all the good reasons why we should work toward success, we rather stop ourselves with our bad excuses. Tyrese Gibson said in How To Get Out Your Own Way that life is a menu. Whoever and whatever you order for your life is what’s going to be delivered to the table.

Today I think that we should all ask ourselves what we want at our table. What is our goal? I am not talking about the purpose of this year. Although it is important to establish short and long-term goals, the most important is to know what drives us each time we wake up? What is our purpose in life? 

We are responsible for where we are in our lives. We are responsible of finding and achieving our goal. It is not enough to say I will start doing this next year. When we talk about purpose, think about this seven words:

Passion: what you daydream about

Understanding: use a pen and a paper and describe exactly what you want to do

Relationships: who are you willing to speak to, out of your comfort zone?

Persistence: no matter what happen you should continue working toward your dream

Obstacles: you will always have obstacles

Sacrifice: you have to trade what matter the least for what you value the most

Endurance: you will have to sweat in order to arrive to the end of marathon's success

Stop making excuses, find a way and start taking actions to achieve your purpose. Stop waiting for every New Year and START SHINING NOW.

I definitely invite you to watch this ted by Luke Wright.